When Harry Met Sally

The classic question of When Harry Met Sally is can men and women be just friends?  Several people in several ways have tried to answer this question.  I do not claim to be an expert in this area, but I think that I do have some interesting insites.

First of all, can ex's be friends?  I would answer, "No". 

The first evidence is Persuasion by Jane Austen.  Anne Elliot and Captain Wentworth could not be friends.  In case you haven't read it, they were engaged as youths.  Her position and his lack of wealth seperated them.  When they met again 8 years later, they could not be friends.  He thought he hated her, she knew he would never forgive her.  After a dramatic event, he realizes he could love none but her... They sail off into the sunset even more in love than before.

The second evidence is a conversation I had with my friend Amy while Mike and I were engaged.  Back story:  If you dont know, I dated a gentleman in high school.  At this time, I thought it possible that I loved him.  I wasnt sure that love would have been the best word to describe it because, well, high school.  Back to the conversation with Amy.  I was asking for advise, because it seemed strange to me that my love for Mike reminded me so much about how I felt about the high school gentleman.  What if I didnt love Mike enough for a marriage that would last a lifetime?  Amy countered with, "No, Kelly.  Don't question your love for Mike.  Instead, realize that you actually did love that high school person.  Take it as a lesson to guard your heart closely, because love is much closer than a person ever realizes."

Emotional entaglement is much closer than a person ever realizes.  That is why men & women cannot be friends. 

A few personal examples of the practical outworking from my life.

When I was a junior in high school, a group of male students and I worked closely a project.  When we encountered other girls, I felt hurt, left, and jealous.  I was dating another person, but I was emotionally entangled with those students.

As I've been traveling to New York, I have interesting dinner relationships with my coworks.  Some married men dont have a problem going out to dinner with me.  Some married men avoid it.  I appreciate and resect both perspectives.  First of all, let me say that it gets lonely while traveling.  Companionship is nice, and thats why I like going out to dinner with other people.  However, I understand that it can be that kind of lonliness that could lead some to straying. 

Emotional entanglement is closer that you realize.  Be careful to whom you give your affections.  I'm not saying that in a, "Make sure that the person is worth it," way.  I'm saying that in a, "You will get involved, probably more than you realize right now.  You will never get that portion of your affections back.  It will always stay with that person.  So when you have decided to spend the rest of your life with someone, that person wont have your full affection.  That person will be missing the portion that you previously gave to someone else, probably unknowingly.  Do you really want to give another portion of yourself to someone whom you wont be with forever?" kind of way.