Ode to friendship

For those of you who may have noticed the lack of writing, it has mostly to do with the frequency of the New York travels this past winter/spring.  I've been to New York 5 weeks since New Years, and will be there again next week.  I've been enjoying last week and this week at home with Mike.  I realized again on Sunday that he is the coolest guy I know and that I love to spend time with him.

I've come to realize some things about my life as a friend.  If I had to grade my friend life, I'd probably give it a D-.  I spent the weekend with my high school friends, most of whom I haven't seen in 2-3 years.  I only see one friend from college regularly.  I have felt quite a bit of fear, shame, and guilt over this lack of communication since graduating from college.  Unfortuneatly, these feelings snowballed the not communicating, which deepened the dark feelings.

My sister and I have said that the best friends in the world are those who, when they see each other again, instead of being awkward, are estatic to catch up and enjoy the time available.  I have not been that friend to many people, but I want to be that friend.

My sister calls me a high functioning engineer, which is pretty much true.  While in person, I can verbally communicate well.  But it takes quite a bit of energy, and I need recharging.  I am not energized or stimulated by people, I am energized and stimulated by alone time.  Don't get me wrong, I love spending time, hanging out, doing life with others, but I need time to recharge afterwards.  Combine this with a strong work ethic, and the result is a lethal friendship killing combination. 

I know that the answer is not to try harder.  I've been trying harder for four years to not much avail.  I'm not sure what the answer is, but I will not give up.  This past weekend with the high school ladies was too wonderful to give up.  I'm go glad that I have a God who told me that He can make all things possible.  I'm resting in this.